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The fuel that feeds the conspiracist’s fire

Back in the day when the only serious discussion going around was that instigated by Professor Abbott on reddit, the mystery everyone wanted to talk about was his missing spare socks, like where were they?

Here’s a suitcase they argued with everything packed from slippers and pyjamas to spare shorts and shirts but no spare socks   … well, now we figure that’s where the good Professor hid his red herring because when it comes to what was missing in the (suit) case there’s plenty more where that came from, or didn’t.

You see, it only makes sense when you can see what isn’t there.

Like his train ticket – after all, SM did roll in to Adelaide on the AM from Melbourne or Broken Hill, didn’t he, because that’s the only place where the two tickets found in his pocket could be purchased, plus that’s where Leane found a suitcase lodged the same day the tickets were bought. We’re looking at a lay down misere here.

But the suitcase take-away stub is missing too – so now we have a pair of missing socks, one missing train ticket and one missing luggage stub. Three of a kind.

But, stand back – the missing train ticket and missing stub ticket must have been inside his missing wallet. Could only have – but  – why weren’t the two un-missing tickets found in his strides inside his missing wallet with the missing train ticket and missing luggage ticket?

Got an answer for that?

Because this is turning into the Somerton Man Mystery Missing Tickets Case.

And there’s more. Ready?

Some folks think that he left his (almost new) suitcase unlocked because, wouldn’t you know it, the key was missing, and that’s the sort of thing that you don’t put inside a wallet, ok? Fob pockets handle that sort of hardware.

So, so far we have:

Missing socks one pair of.

Missing rail ticket one of.

Missing wallet one of.

Missing suitcase key one of.

Missing luggage stub one of.

And there’s more.

Some folks think he wrote his letters using one of his six pencils and you know why?

Because his pen was missing.

And these same folks reckon he wrote all his letters on the back of one of these big envelopes .. plus on any lettercards.

Because his writing paper was missing. Not only that, but a bloke with so many envelopes must have been a little busy on the outgoing correspondence side, which means and guess what? His incoming correspondence was missing.

And lest we never forget – his matches were missing.

But wait!! His shoes! His almost new and meticulously kept highly polished shoes – kiwi polished. Tin in suitcase. But where’s his polishing rag?

Missing is where it was, like everything else, so don’t tell me his suitcase wasn’t tossed.


Let’s run it again.

Missing socks one pair of.

Missing rail ticket one of.

Missing wallet one of.

Missing suitcase key one of.

Missing luggage stub one of.

Missing matches one box of.

Missing pen one of.

Missing correspondence some of.

Missing writing (sketching?) paper one pad of.

Missing shoe polishing cloth one of.

What’s to make of that for a scorecard?


7 Comments Post a comment
  1. Clive #

    Nail clippers missing? or, did he use a pair of scissors?

    September 27, 2020
  2. I forgot, half of his teeth were missing.

    September 27, 2020
  3. пожалуйста #

    Chapeau, Pete.

    Cos that was missing too.

    September 27, 2020
    • Plus a pair of custom choppers .. to be built like he was steak must have been a regular item on the menu.

      September 27, 2020
  4. Lots of the items you list he could easily have had in his pockets etc: but the missing socks still stand out as a mystery apart from the rest.

    Why did the Somerton Man always carry a begonia in his pocket? He didn’t, it was a plant.

    September 28, 2020
    • Listen, sport, Clive’s the only bloke allowed puns in here … and I’m betting he wished he’d thought of that one.
      What do you reckon those big envelopes were for? Give it a stab, come on. Be brave. I remember Prof A saying he thought they were for Christmas cards .. how we chortled at that one.

      September 28, 2020
  5. misca #

    You guys are just so incredibly punny! Nonetheless, we still don’t have the most incredibly interesting missing thing. The man’s identity. Who was the missing man?

    September 28, 2020

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