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Wallace and Gromit meet the Somerton Man

Enough of this seriousness, time to sit back and have a laugh at some of the more inane theories gathering frequency.

This one in particular.

The man seen wearing striped trousers in the evening was the same man found dead in the morning because he changed them.

Like it?

That’s down to a senior contributor called BluE on the Tamam Shud thread at BIG FOOTY.COM.

Bluey cannot abide the thought that two men were involved and has put forward such a convincing theory he has already seduced two more thread participants into accepting the possibility, one calls himself REDACTED, the other Gordon Cramer, who, sorrowfully, recently told me to pull my head in and piss off – or words to that effect.

Back to the Bluey theory.

Bluey holds that the gent in striped duds seen reclining against the wall by Strapps in the evening made a bit of a mess of himself after throwing up. This reaction to digitalis poisoning is well-founded and the mysterious absence of vomit about his person has been discussed many times in many forums.

Well, Bluey has it sorted and this is his theory, bless him.

It seems that after tossing his chunks – which as we all know makes a wide and uncomfortable splatter especially if you are unfortunate enough to be lying down at the time –  SM got to his feet and made off for a change of clothing before returning to the same place and lying down again. (Bluey’s comprehensive research seems not have included a reading of Feltus’ The Unknown Man)

Bluey’s theory necessitates our man either having spare clothing stashed nearby, in a car perhaps, or (hold your breath) in a house not too far away.

And although suffering from the effects of a deadly poison, Bluey holds that SM managed to get up and walk away, then change his coat, cardigan, shirt, tie, possibly singlet, trousers and possibly underpants – because there may have been some involuntary discharge in that particular region as well.

Then, even closer to death, he made his sorry way back to the steps where he finally met his Maker.

~~

But wait, there’s more, and it confirms Bluey’s theory.

The cardigan is missing from the front cover of Feltus’ The Unknown Man – finding another one may have been a bit of an ask given the time of day so that’s one down to Bluey.

And it was ‘later established’ that a pair of underpants and a singlet were found with the body – they would be the soiled clothing, without doubt. That’s two and three down to the old Master.

In addition a handkerchief was amongst the ‘later established items’ – What can I say, he had to clean himself up with something.

Outstanding logic there Bluey, that’s four incontrovertible pieces of evidence that support your Wallace and Gromit theory.

We look forward to any further instalments.

….. on a further and less delightful note, this post has had the author permanently banned from BIGFOOTY.com.

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